In the 'Spotlight' - slightly sleazy anecdotes on a rainy morning.

Depression - or at least recession - is affecting things quite badly at the moment. That and the 'troubles' in Bangkok. Mister Happy, my tuk-tuk driver, is certainly not living up to his name. Into the theoretical 'high' season now for Chiang Mai, and business is bad. Indeed Charlie of Charlie's Fish 'n Chips reckons bed occupancy is 50% down on this time last year, and that reflects the situation in many restaurants around town.

So maybe 'depression' is the right word. The girls down Loi Kroh can barely summon the enthusiasm for a "Hello welcooome!" these days. The Koreans and Australians are staying away because of the plummeting value of their currencies, the Brits and euro users aren't much better off. Many bars are deserted, with hardly a customer all day. And those customers that do drop by are not as eager to spend as they once were. Even the Americans, whose dollar has recovered a little, are hardly flocking back to Thailand in droves.

Mr Happy at the wheel. For tuk-tuk services, or lessons in Muay Thai, he's your man...

Back to Mister Happy; things must be bad, he informs me. For the farang boss of local go-go bar 'The Spotlight' was allegedly seen on the premises of its main competitor in Chiang Mai, 'Foxy Lady', the other night, presumably to find out how well (or badly) it was doing in comparison. Rumour has it that his not-so-secret spying mission led to a severe 'dressing down' of his own girls later that same evening. It seems that some of his dancers are not as exotic as those he'd just been ogling chez Foxy, one theory being that they are suffering from the inevitable consequences of a lack of exercise and too much junk food, the latter apparently accumulating in folds around the mid-section, and expanding bottoms. No excuse for a poor diet, it appears, as farang customers can hardly be accused of frog-marching their lady friends into the likes of McDonalds - there are simply too few of them in town these days, and most of the girls are astute enough to escort their gentlemen friends into more upmarket and health-conscious establishments. Perhaps their contortions on stage are simply not vigorous enough, who knows. Perhaps they are just not getting enough exercise away from work (although there are suggestions that this is at least partly the fault of their mostly ageing male consorts). Still, whatever the reason or reasons, times must be indeed be tough, for the go-go bar bosses to believe that they have to get their girls to go on a crash diet to attract the few single... unaccompanied anyway... male visitors to be seen in Chiang Mai at the moment! (I suppose if all else fails he could relaunch as a belly-dancing club?)

While on the subject of the slightly sleazy, this story caught my eye in last week's Pattaya People. A bar brawl at the peaceable Lovely Corner Bar resulted in the police turning up to find a drunken and blood-covered farang, who apparently did not want to press charges (either through embarrassment or inability to string an intelligible sentence together, take your pick). Allegedly, according to the lady cashier - for no reason whatsoever on paying his bill - he decided to hit her. However this resulted in his losing his balance. As he was falling, as incredibly bad luck would have it, a beer bottle precariously balanced on the bar counter was dislodged. It somehow landed heavily on his head, where it smashed into myriad pieces.

The police immediately accepted this clearly believable explanation of events, and the farang's expressed wish to be left alone. The lady cashier didn't want to pursue matters. Apparently the initial assault had left her completely unmarked.

Personally I think he was lucky to get away without being charged with damage to bar property...